October - December 2011

Journal entry 10/23/11:

What do I do? I went to sleep this morning at 2 AM because of the pain. I've been restless -thinking it's because my body is craving to have energy and wants to do something but the pain in my head and dizziness that I feel and lack of energy causes me to not do much. I feel so weak. I guess that's what 2 1/2 months of being in extreme pain and sitting on the couch will do to you. I don't know what else to do! ...people are telling me that they want to see me at church. I want to go but I feel like crap. I don't want to be around people like this and my mind is slow. I don't respond well to things or people anymore... I want to be supportive of myself and tell myself it's ok to rest, you need it -it's all right- but this behavior isn't all right! I'm on the couch almost 24/7!

I have gotten an ultrasound of my gallbladder, hida scan, endoscope, multiple blood tests, stool tests, urine tests.....all come back normal except one. There was strep bacteria in my urine. I took some antibiotics and felt 100% better! ...but then it all slowly came back.

Journal entry 12/13/2011:

Last night it hit me that I was going thru the mourning process of my [old] life. I was at the anger stage. Not angry about "why," angry that I can't do what I want to do. Angry of it being taken away. I want to do things without feeling pain or being exhausted, or getting lightheaded and dizzy. ....Someday....it's easy to make someday a "never" in your mind, but I won't think that way. I won't lose my hope....my God is faithful

September 2011 (2)

I have gotten so many tests done! Nothing is giving me any helpful answers. That drink mix caused me to feel better for a little while, but it didn't last. The food allergy test didn't hold any big answers either. My naturalpath put me on another diet.

We went to a BBQ today and there was so much good looking food there....this sure is testing my will power, but I stuck to it! The sad part is, I don't even think my efforts are working. I'm not feeling any better.

The naturalpath told me to go back to urgent care if I'm not getting better (yeah right!). Last time I was there they gave me a CT scan, said that it was normal and that I should be feeling better, and basically kicked me out!

I don't think this naturalpath can help me anymore....so much for getting my hopes up.

One thing that has really been helping me is journalling:

"9/29/11
I don't like being sick. I feel useless -like others think I'm just making it up. I'm not. I could force myself to do things but it hurts worse and I need to take care of ME....I really do see how this is pushing me beyond the point of worrying about what others are thinking of me."

September 2011 (1)

I went to the naturalpath and I really like her! She talked with me for about an hour and a half (just talking) about the problems I have been having. She was surprised at what the other doctors were telling me to do. She said that flushing out my system in that way would cause it to be more irritated. Finally someone who cares enough to listen and figure out the source of my problems!

She said that my thyroid is swollen, but she's not too concerned about that right now. She could feel that my intestines are extremely inflamed. She really believes that the swelling and pain is caused by food allergies. She ordered a lab test to see how I respond to the top 100 foods that cause allergies.

While we're waiting for those results she put me on a strict diet of no grains, sugars, honey, dairy, red meat, corn, or potatoes. She also gave me a drink mix that helps decrease intestinal inflammation.

I am so happy that I am finally figuring out what's wrong and I am going to be well soon!

This stuff doesn't taste half bad!

August 2011 (2)

I've been having extreme stomach pain, so much so that I went to Urgent Care. They took X-rays and said that I am really constipated (odd, since I have been regular). They told me to drink a laxative to flush out my system and then add more fiber to my diet.

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Well, I did what they said and it's been a week. Guess what? I'm back in Urgent Care with more horrible stomach pain! They aren't taking me seriously! They want me to flush out my system again, but I don't think that will help. I need to find out why my body is doing this and what's causing it instead of just a temporary fix. They don't seem to understand that concept.

My friend told me of a naturalpath that she goes to. I'm going to make an appointment to see her since I don't think any normal doctor will take me seriously. I am confident that she will figure out what is wrong with me though.

I am just trying to keep my chin up; answers will come soon, I'm sure!

August 2011 (1)

It's been a year now and things aren't getting better with my health. I have had to stop working because of it. I've been having more stomach pain, I am still gaining weight, I have been really exhausted for no reason, dizzy, weak, and I have been really emotional lately.

I decided to stop taking birth control pills since I realized that I started feeling sick shortly after I started them. Maybe that messed with my system?

Also, Mom and I think that my thyroid must be off. I got it tested, so now I just have to be patient for the results. I am very hopeful that this test will show what is wrong with me so I can just get it dealt with, lose some weight, and get back to being my normal self!

It should only take a month or two, I'm sure, then I'll get back to feeling like myself again. I just have to hang in there and be positive.


The thyroid tests came back normal. That's really discouraging, but I'm sure we'll figure out what's wrong soon.

October 2010

Life has been stressful. Marrage is difficult (who'd a thought? lol!), but we keep communicating and we're working through our struggles.

Some black mold showed up in the ceiling of our bathroom because the fan broke and it took a long time to get the part in to fix it. We clean the mold off with bleach but it comes back. It worries me that we can't get it to go away completely, but just a little mold in the bathroom shouldn't hurt me, right?

My health is changing. I'm sure it's not from the mold, but the stress I've been under. I have been gaining more weight and I can't seem to lose it with dieting or exercise (which has really lowered my self confidence). I have been having a lot of stomach pain, not enough to bother the doctors with though. I seem to be losing more hair than a person normal does in a day, but I think that's because of all the changes going on lately (new job and newly married). I also discovered that I am allergic to sunscreen. I swelled up and broke out in hives all over from it! I've been testing other sunscreens, but even the ones for sensitive skin causes a rash. I'll be ok though, I just need to find the right one for me is all.

The fact that I can't seem to lose weight really concerns me...I just need to stay positive and I will be back to normal again....right?

Aug 2010

It's August 8, 2010

I'm getting married!! We've gone thru books together, counseling, talked about future goals, children, finances, and we have learned to communicate really well. I'd say we're as prepared for marriage as we can get!

Neither of us are in debt at all, but we want to build up our savings account a bit more and spend a few years enjoying being newlyweds before we have any children. We're thinking three years, but we'll see. We should have a good amount saved up by then. We want to get a house and make a way for me to work at home while the kids are babies.

I have gained a little bit of weight recently, but I think that's from eating out on dates. I'm not worried about it. I know how to lose it and I'm sure that'll be soon. Right now I'm just really excited to enjoying life with my husband!

Life is great!

Who I was

 This is me. An obese 25 yr old plagued with a rare disease...but I'll get to that part later. In order for this story to really come to life we must go back in time (just a few years) to who I WAS.

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This is me. I am 21 and I couldn't feel better about myself or life! I used to be a very self conscious, obese girl in Jr. High; but I put in the work, lost the extra weight and haven't gained any back in several years! I know I'll always be this healthy because I take care of myself and put forth the effort.

I am a joyful person who smiles and laughs a lot (people tell me that I shine), and why wouldn't I? I am so grateful to God for who He has made me to be and I finally have the confidence to be that person. I feel a freedom to be myself because I am no longer ashamed of who I am like I used to be in school. Now I am passionate about life.

What am I passionate about exactly? I love people...LOVE people. I want to help others feel like the treasures that they are, especially those who feel so alone, because I've been there. I want to be that little bit of sunshine in their day that gives them an extra 'oomph' to keep going. I want to be there for them and listen to them and cry with them and laugh with them because I believe they are worth it. I want them to know that they are worth it.

My compassion for people is partially why I'm going to school to become a cosmetologist. Imagine all those lives and all those stories I get to be apart of! Besides my love of playing with hair and geometry, I'm also in it for the adventure! No day will ever be the same as the next.

My life is great, and it's just going to keep on getting better! I'm not perfect by any means, but I am doing things, "the right way."

Nothing can stop me....right?