What do I do? I went to sleep this morning at 2 AM because of the pain. I've been restless -thinking it's because my body is craving to have energy and wants to do something but the pain in my head and dizziness that I feel and lack of energy causes me to not do much. I feel so weak. I guess that's what 2 1/2 months of being in extreme pain and sitting on the couch will do to you. I don't know what else to do! ...people are telling me that they want to see me at church. I want to go but I feel like crap. I don't want to be around people like this and my mind is slow. I don't respond well to things or people anymore... I want to be supportive of myself and tell myself it's ok to rest, you need it -it's all right- but this behavior isn't all right! I'm on the couch almost 24/7!I have gotten an ultrasound of my gallbladder, hida scan, endoscope, multiple blood tests, stool tests, urine tests.....all come back normal except one. There was strep bacteria in my urine. I took some antibiotics and felt 100% better! ...but then it all slowly came back.
Journal entry 12/13/2011:
Last night it hit me that I was going thru the mourning process of my [old] life. I was at the anger stage. Not angry about "why," angry that I can't do what I want to do. Angry of it being taken away. I want to do things without feeling pain or being exhausted, or getting lightheaded and dizzy. ....Someday....it's easy to make someday a "never" in your mind, but I won't think that way. I won't lose my hope....my God is faithful
I love you, Heather! Your story will help make a difference to someone. <3
ReplyDelete